Authorities said an overnight hotel guest who claimed a divine calling has been jailed after shooting up his room and placing an alarm clock in the microwave. Police say the 53-year-old Dearborn Heights man surrendered about 8:30 a.m. Sunday at the Albion Inn, about 85 miles west of Detroit. He was being held in the Calhoun County Jail pending arraignment and mental evaluation.  The Jackson Citizen Patriot said the man shot the bed, window, walls and ceiling of his room, where he left a note that read: “God delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion, Michigan.”  ***MARLAR: How can deliverance of evil be only 96 miles from Detroit?

A record number of companies in North America are permitting employees to work from home, according to a survey from World-At-Work. Forty-two percent of U.S. companies surveyed say they have offered their employees work-from-home programs this year, up from 30% last year. In Canada, the jump was even bigger – from 25% last year to 40% this year.  ***MARLAR: I’m trying to get the station to let me work from home.  The hard part is convincing them to move the giant broadcast tower into my backyard each day.

A Belleville, Michigan, woman accidentally sold a DVD at a garage sale that contained at least $1,200. Tracy Holmes sold her husband’s “Sin City” DVD for $10. Her husband asked her about the DVD about a week later and told her that he had hidden at least $1,200 in the DVD case for a family Christmas trip to Disney World. Holmes is holding out hope that the buyer, described as a 6-foot-tall man in his 50s or 60s, will discover the money and return it.  ***MARLAR: I’d think vacation money hidden in a “Sin City” DVD would be for Las Vegas.

A string of bizarre shoe thefts in Waveland, Indiana, are being blamed on a beagle who has apparently been taking the shoes to a local fire station. Angie Jeffers said one of her son’s shoes disappeared after being left outside overnight. It soon turned up near the firehouse. Locals said shoes began arriving at the fire department in June. Since then, only Jeffers and one other person have reported seeing the thief – a small beagle. Acting town marshal Rob Kiger said he also spotted the beagle, which is believed to be a stray, carrying a tennis shoe in his mouth and a pair of women’s underwear on his head. Officials said the dog, who takes only one shoe at a time and never leaves any bite marks, has proven difficult to capture.  ***MARLAR: As a dog, shouldn’t he be stealing Hush Puppies?

The FDA reports that meat from cloned animals is perfectly safe to eat.  ***MARLAR: Plus, it’s great for making double cheeseburgers.

A woman in Thousand Oaks, California, went on vacation and came back to find a 50-foot tree in her yard missing.  ***MARLAR: You gotta be careful where you spray that RoundUp!

The First Baptist Church in Watertown, New York, fired a Sunday school teacher who’d been there for 54 years because she’s a woman.  Her boss says he’s just obeying the Bible.  ***MARLAR: Actually, they made the decision to fire her over 50 years ago… but it’s a Baptist Church, and change is slow.

All over town ran a lone goat as Odessa police and animal control officers tried to catch the roaming animal. The report to police came in Saturday as a sheep on the loose. Officers then determined it was a goat loping through a Taco Bell parking lot, a park and the dorm area at the University of Texas-Permian Basin.  ***MARLAR: Or possibly a Dodge Ram truck.

It’s a really, really big zucchini in the Big Apple. A New York City woman managed to grow a 6-foot-long zucchini in her back yard. Apollonia (ap-poh-LOH’-nee-a) Castitlione (cah-STEET’-lee-yoh-na) says she’s had a vegetable garden for 26 years in her Queens yard. But she’s never seen anything like her monster veggie. The zucchini is of the Long Italian variety. She says the seeds came from friends. She just added water, fertilizer and her own green thumb.  ***MARLAR: Add some wheels to that thing and you could have a zamboni!

Akron, Ohio, Mayor Don Plusquellic wants to lease the city’s sewers to a private contractor and use the money for college scholarships. Some people are calling the plan “stools for schools.” The proposal would fund college scholarships for Akron’s public high school graduates. But city sewage workers aren’t fond of the idea.  A vote on the issue comes in November.  ***MARLAR: Wow – talk about our educational system being flushed down the toilet!

When U.S. companies market their products in Africa, it is common practice to have a picture on the label of what is inside, since most people there cannot read English. Gerber Baby Food was not aware of this though, and ran into a problem, since the photo on their label is of a cute Caucasian baby. (Yikes!)

Genetically engineered mice have produced a malaria vaccine in their milk that worked to protect monkeys from the disease.  ***MARLAR: So if your monkey comes down with malaria, convince it to take mouse milk.

Looking for a wakeup buzz?  Try a soap called Shower Shock that delivers two cups of coffee’s worth of caffeine per shower.  ***MARLAR: The hard part is feeling clean after you add cream and sugar.

When christening a ship, instead of using champagne, the Vikings would sacrifice a human being.  ***MARLAR: The custom started when some Vikings tried to break a bottle of champagne against the side of a vessel and the ship’s builder said, “Over my dead body!”

Topeka’s mayor says the city shall temporarily be referred to as “Google, Kansas – the capital city of fiber optics,” in an effort to persuade the Internet giant to test an ultra-fast connection in the state capital.  Mayor Bill Bunten issued the proclamation Monday after no city council members objected to the month-long change.  ***MARLAR: Really though, if you were a huge company, would you do business in a town that spells Google, “T-O-P-E-K-A”?

In 2007 the Wisconsin State Assembly approved a bill to extend last call by an hour, and it will apply to just one night each year.  On daylight saving weekend, on Sunday morning, old state law mandated that bars had to close at 2:30 A-M. But that night, the clock jumps ahead from 2 to 3 A-M.  So, lawmakers decided to allow the bars in the Badger State to close at 3:30 instead of 2:30.  ***MARLAR: If you’re so addicted to alcohol that you’re drinking past 2 o’clock on a Sunday morning, do you even have the ability at that point to tell what time it is?

The creator of G.I. Joe said more of his toy creations, action figures based on Bible figures, are on their way to mainstream stores. Don Levine, 80, who is credited with inventing the action figure with the first G.I. Joe 45 years ago, said his line of Bible-based Almighty Heroes – including likenesses of King David, Queen Esther, Samson and Jonah – have been hot sellers at Christian bookstores and other specialty stores. ***MARLAR: And the figure of Peter walk on water… temporarily.

Two Waukesha, Wisconsin, men were issued citations after they got into a fight at their daughters’ soccer game. Jeffrey Perlewitz and Ralph Newcomb Jr were each fined $199 after they got into a fist fight at the June 4th soccer game.  ***MARLAR: Which is completely against the rules – you’re not allowed to use your hands in soccer.

Britain’s clergy are arming themselves after a report that a number have been assaulted. The Church Of England has decided to give their clergy Tai Kwan Do lessons. ***MARLAR: When Jesus said, “turn the other cheek” I’m pretty sure he did not mean “hit both sides of your enemy’s face.”

Surprising new research shows that people who walk their dogs don’t get as much exercise as people who don’t have dogs. ***MARLAR: And I don’t have a dog right now, meaning that if I DID get one I’d actually get less than zero exercise.

Earthlink is laying off half of its workforce and closing four offices in a belt-tightening move. ***MARLAR: Rather than “downsizing” they’re saying it’s “removing unnecessary files.”

What if you could be fat but avoid heart disease or diabetes? Scientists trying to break the fat-and-disease link increasingly say inflammation is the key.  In the quest to prove it, a major study is under way testing whether an anti-inflammatory drug – an old, cheap cousin of aspirin – can fight the Type 2 diabetes spurred by obesity.  And intriguing new research illustrates how those yellow globs of fat lurking under the skin are more than a storage site for extra calories. They’re a toxic neighborhood where inflammation appears to be born.  ***MARLAR: So I can be fat and healthy if I take Ibuprofen?

South Pasadena, CA, has banned all cussing during the first week in March, and it will continue to be banned during the first week of March for every year from now on.  ***MARLAR: So if you cuss and get a ticket, do you get another ticket for cussing at the officer for giving you a ticket?

A group working to protect Lake Champlain on the Vermont-New York border wants to generate electricity from nuisance weeds and algae. The Lake Champlain Restoration Association is planning to haul tons of plants from the lake. The decaying weeds will create methane gas, which can be used to generate power. Experts will study the process to see if weeds make a viable power source.  ***MARLAR: If they’re looking for sources of gas couldn’t they just hook up a fuel line to the nearest Taco Bell?

Normally, tobacco is associated with causing cancer – not curing it. But researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine in California say a personalized vaccine made from tobacco plants could help cure cancer. The treatment, which would vaccinate cancer patients against their own tumor cells, is made using a new approach that turns genetically engineered tobacco plants into personalized vaccine factories.  ***MARLAR: The downside is that intensive care units will now have to have smoking and non-smoking sections.

Scientists say the Earth is becoming more like Saturn. In a report in the Weekly World News, some astronomers say the earth is developing rings just like the planet Saturn. The discovery has both astronomers and theologians scratching their heads. Some astrophysicists believe the rings may be a bi-product of global warming.  Some religious experts say the ring is probably a sign of the impending second coming of Christ.  ***MARLAR: Or it’s a new advertising promotion by Target.

Michael Warren now fits into his uniform. The 20-year-old lost 125 pounds in just 18 months to qualify for a badge. Now Warren has been sworn in as a deputy sheriff in Ohio County, West Virginia. He had tipped the scales at more than 300 pounds. Warren says he couldn’t even do a single push-up, much less the 18 to pass the sheriff department’s endurance test. Warren credits his new wife Theresa with helping him shed all the pounds. He says she had to whack his hands a few times when he reached for a snack.   ***MARLAR: She’s now under arrest for assaulting a police officer.

Researchers at BioTransplant Inc. claim to have bred a pig that does not transmit potentially dangerous viruses to human cells, which could pave the way to making animal-to-human transplants safe.  ***MARLAR: Good news – you come out of surgery with a disease-free snout.

Zhora, a chimp in a Russian zoo, has become addicted to smoking and an alcoholic after visitors gave him too many “treats.”  “We asked visitors not to give him [alcohol and cigarettes], but it was all in vain,” the deputy head of Rostov zoo, Nadezhda Yeutushenko, said. Yeutushenko told Russian press that Zhora was kept behind three rows of fences, but visitors still managed to throw him alcohol and cigarettes.  Zhora has now been transferred to a different city for rehab treatment.  ***MARLAR: There is no word as of yet from his roommate, David Hasselhoff.

Police said a 38-year-old man was charged with beating another man at a motel with a Worcestershire sauce bottle and a fire extinguisher. Police said the suspect was being held at the Lauderdale County Jail on $6,000 bond on charges he attacked a 43-year-old man who was returning to his motel room. ***MARLAR: Doesn’t a fire extinguisher cancel out hot sauce?  So it’s like he never hit the guy at all, right?

A New York maintenance man who earned $100,000 last year working at a psychiatric center has been living for free in a paint shed on company grounds. A report issued by the inspector general’s office says the worker lived on the grounds of the Rockland Psychiatric Center in New York City’s northern suburbs for three years. He stayed in a back room of the shed and had a couch, microwave and refrigerator. The center’s executive director told inspectors he didn’t know the worker was living in the shed. The worker is being charged $2,500 for the time he lived there. Now he’s living with his wife at a home in Pearl River, about 3 miles away.  ***MARLAR: It’s bad enough to hear of a guy doing this – but was his wife living there too?  That’s an AWFUL understanding woman! (And he’s only being charged $2,500 for the time he lived there?  That’s less than $70 a month!  Heck, that fits my budget perfectly!)

Talk about a run of bad luck! Authorities in Levy County, Florida, say a man accidentally shot his wife while trying to hit a fox that had attacked her. The couple told deputies they spotted an animal in their yard Friday morning and went outside to see what it was. The fox bit the woman on the left leg and wouldn’t let go, so she told her husband to get the gun. He fired a .22-caliber rifle seven times, killing the animal – but also hitting his wife in the right leg. The woman was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment.  ***MARLAR: The man is already trying to make it up to his wife saying he accidentally shot her because she’s so attractive and he couldn’t tell which one was the fox.

Angered that her local McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food “emergency.” Latreasa Goodman called police to complain that a cashier–citing a McDonald’s all sales are final policy–would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, “This is an emergency!”  ***MARLAR: Have you tasted McNuggets?  There’s a criminal offense in there somewhere.

A mosquito flaps its wings 600 times a second.  ***MARLAR: Good, if it’s going to suck my blood, I want him to have to work for it.

Unlike most cats, tigers love the water and can easily swim three or four miles. ***MARLAR: And where does a tiger swim? Anywhere it wants to.

Brown seaweed could fight fat and weight gain. A pigment found in brown seaweed, called fucoxanthin, reduces dangerous abdominal fat and cholesterol, according to a new study funded by the Japanese government.  ***MARLAR: There is one side-effect though – you’re eating seaweed.

I’d worked with Joey numerous times before – he just keeps getting funnier everywhere he goes.  If you’ve not had a chance to see Joey in action, check out the Collision of Comedy page at ShoutLife.com – http://www.shoutlife.com/coc.  We’ve also got clips there of Justin Fennell who is the exact opposite in style of Joey, but just as doggoned funny.

Without Walls Central Church has to be the largest church I’ve ever performed in.  I don’t know how many they could seat comfortably, but my guess is over 3,000.  I imagine attending services there on a Sunday morning are phenomenal.

Looking forward to making it home tonight.  It’s been four days since I’ve seen my beautiful bride – whom I had to leave behind on the day of our fifteenth wedding anniversary.  When I get home we’ll go out to dinner (our new tradition for when I arrive home from overnight travel) and then get some sleep.  Tomorrow I pack up again and head to Detroit to be a guest on “I’m Just Sayin’ with Dan Willis” on TCT.tv.  Not sure when my appearance will actually air.  Once I know I will most certainly let you know!

Please keep me and Robin in your prayers as we trust God to provide in this new area of my working full-time in stand-up comedy.  Lots of uncertainties, but huge blessings.  I said it onstage last night and I meant it: use whatever talents and abilities given to you by God and use them for HIS glory, and you’ll have joy in whatever you do!

A 37-year-old Salt Lake City woman acknowledged hitting her husband in the head with a hammer three years ago after blindfolding him and promising a surprise. Amy Teresa Ricks pleaded guilty to second-degree felony aggravated assault. Ricks’ husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007 attack. ***MARLAR: He also says that yes, he was very surprised.

A giant gorilla was kidnapped in broad daylight from a flea market in East Machias, Maine.  Maine State Police are investigating and have put out an all-points-bulletin on the primate – an 8-foot mechanical ape. The gorilla has been a favorite local attraction at Sandy’s Sales, and owner Lowell Miller wants it back, no questions asked. Miller believes the gorilla may be hiding in a teenager’s bedroom.  ***MARLAR: How do you hide that from your parents?  “Gorilla?  What gorilla – oh now, that hairy thing in my bedroom is my study partner, Carl!  He’s just hairy because his parents are Greek…”

In the U.S. in 1882 an inventor patented a propeller-driven rocking chair. The propeller supplied movement to the chair from its mount at the top of the chair’s back. Legend has it that the inventor, in his first demonstration of the chair, leaned back too far, got his hair caught in the propeller, and, well, you really don’t want to know.  ***MARLAR: Now the product goes under the name of “Epilady.”

Scientists have known for a long time that lycopene, the chemical that gives tomatoes their red color, fights cancer. Now, new research indicates the yellow liquid surrounding the tomato’s seeds prevents heart attacks and strokes. The fluid keeps the blood from forming clots, which can clog arteries, interrupting blood flow to the heart or brain.  ***MARLAR: So from now on, be sure to ask for your pizzas with EXTRA sauce.

A woman in Waterville, Maine, who used to eat a dozen donuts a day and weigh 500 pounds lost 330 pounds without surgery simply by dieting and exercising.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, it’s a slow news day.

A man in Mexico protested the way people with tattoos and piercings are treated as freaks by hanging himself from a tree, suspended by wires through his various piercings.  ***MARLAR: Ironically, that’s the best way to get someone to think you’re a freak.

The Discovery Canyon Campus elementary school in Colorado Springs has banned children playing Tag on its playground after some children complained they were harassed or chased against their will.  ***MARLAR: If you’re being chased against your will, you’re not playing Tag, you’re playing Cops & Robbers.

Joey I.L.O. was the headliner and he just destroyed the audience (that’s a good thing in comedy by the way).  The audience at the end of the night was totally exhausted once Joey left the stage.  We also had special guest Steffon Vann as part of the show tonight.  He’s one of the most comfortable performers I’ve seen in quite some time.  Very laid back, a total opposite of Joey I.L.O. which made for a really great night of comedy hitting two different extremes.

This was also the very first night that we introduced World Vision to the show, asking audience members to sponsor a child through the organization.  I struggled quite a bit with what exactly I could say to an audience at a comedy show to talk about starving children, but somehow it worked out because we sponsored three children tonight!  That’s three children who will be helped out of not just hunger, but also provided clean water, health care, and a better education.

The night would not have been a success at all had it not been for the support of both Spirit FM 90.5 in Tampa as well as Northeast Presbyterian Church in St. Petersburg, Florida.  They both promoted the show heavily and it totally paid off.  In fact, if you are a Christian comedian, singer, band, and you need somewhere to perform in the Tampa area, I would strongly recommend you check out the theater that we performed in tonight, called “The Summit” at Northeast Presbyterian Church.  It has more of an intimate feel to  and it’s the perfect venue for small shows that allow you to get closer to your audience.  We could have easily had a larger venue and done just one show, but doing two shows back to back in this smaller auditorium really made it fun.  I might very well contact them about the possibility of recording a Collision of Comedy DVD there.

Two shows down… one more to go!  On Sunday we head to Lakeland, Florida to Without Walls Central Church for one big Collision of Comedy show… this time with myself, Joey I.L.O., and Justin Fennell!  (Although Steffon said he had so much fun tonight that he might show up and do five minutes just for fun in Lakeland – that’d be cool!)  If you live in the area, or you know someone who does, please come out to the show – Sunday’s show in Lakeland is a free show – starts at 6pm!  Then on Monday it’s back home to my bride to get a huge hug before heading out on Tuesday to Detroit, Michigan for a TV appearance on “I’m Just Sayin’ with Dan Willis” on TCT.tv!  BUSY week – but God is blessing me through it!

Are you concerned about these recalls? Toyota recalled due to accelerator and brake problems, now GM has a recall involving steering. ***Let me see, no accelerator, no brakes, no steering, I give you the brand new 2010 Luge. –Duane Matz, Christian Family Radio

Eating right now? Put down that spoon for just a moment. Thirty Cambodians suffered food poisoning after eating homemade noodles contaminated with chewing tobacco that had dropped into the batter from the cook’s mouth. Wholesale noodle vendor Sieng Seng, who had supplied the shops where people got sick, said she had not realized a wad had dropped into the flour as she was talking.  ***MARLAR: It wasn’t a clue to him when he suddenly began speaking more clearly?

Steven Spielberg plans to produce and may direct a remake of the 1950s sci-fi classic, When Worlds Collide – due out in 2010.  If you haven’t seen it, a pair of planets head for a collision with Earth and a space ship is built to carry a lucky few to safety on the new planet.  ***MARLAR: It’s like Noah’s Ark in space!

Double dutch rope jumping, in which competitors jump between two ropes twirled eggbeater style, is becoming an official sanctioned sport at New York City high schools. Officials say adding double dutch will attract hundreds of students. It will be a spring sport this coming school year after basketball season is over. According to the National Double Dutch League, Dutch settlers brought the game to New York in colonial times.  ***MARLAR: And of course, in order to compete you have to pay your own way.  (Get it?  Going “dutch”?  Never mind.)

According to a study from The Miriam Hospital and The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University in Providence, people who eat when they are lonely or sad have the hardest time losing weight and keeping it off.  ***MARLAR: Especially if they’re sad and single because they are overweight.

A recent report said it was okay for adults to be overweight as long as they were fit, but the news is not so good for kids. A new report says that overweight children are at risk of premature heart attacks and strokes.  ***MARLAR: So the answer is simply – tell your kids to grow up.

A new study shows that Americans who put in long hours at work also cut back on sleep in order to work in fun activities. ***MARLAR: But we make up for it by sleeping during the commercial breaks.

Police in Georgia are searching for a pair of hungry bandits who stole an order of chicken wings from a pizza delivery driver. Columbus Police say the 19-year-old Domino’s driver was approached outside a home Tuesday night by two men who asked for money. One of the men pointed a chrome pistol.  Police say one of the men then said, “give me the wings.” They fled the scene with the $36 order.  ***MARLAR: Fingerprinting never tasted so good.

Rabbi Andrew Bossov and the Reverend Karen Onesti are celebrating different holidays this month, but one extraordinary gift.   Doctors have approved surgery to give the New Jersey rabbi one of Onesti’s kidneys.  Onesti, who pastors a United Methodist church, met Bossov four years ago through the Interfaith Council of Greater Mount Laurel. When she learned that his decreased function allowed him to get on the list for a transplant, Onesti jumped at the chance to help him.   After months of testing for compatibility, she called Bossov to let him know that the transplant team has approved the donation. The surgery could be done next month.  ***MARLAR: A Christian’s kidney inside a Jewish rabbi!  Wow… talk about a radical way of putting Christ within you!

A young couple held their wedding ceremony at a funeral home in St. Joseph Township, Michigan.  Jason and Rachel Storm said “I Do” at the Starks and Menchinger Family Funeral Home. The groom, who is the home’s director, compared the funeral home wedding experience to that of a church, saying, “I look at it as, if you go to a church and get married, how many caskets do you think have been rolled down that aisle?”  ***MARLAR: Ah, so THAT’S why the groom wears black.

Computer programmer Bernie Peng, who proposed to Tammy Li in April by reprogramming her favorite game “Bejeweled,” has followed through. The couple was married in Morristown, New Jersey. PopCap Games, which makes “Bejeweled,” gave all the guests free copies of the game. The wedding cake was in the shape of a video game console.  ***MARLAR: Marriage is kind of like a video game, actually.  In order for it to work you need to be plugged-in to the relationship; when it’s going well it’s hard to walk away from; and no matter how rotten or great things get you can start again the next day and try to improve on your previous score.

You can try this new word with your friends…”Non’trée.”  This word is for customers trying to save money at a restaurant by ordering appetizers rather than a pricier entrée. The term was first used in San Francisco and is spreading fast.  ***MARLAR: And I can tell you from experience that it is possible to live entirely on loaded potato skins.

Astronomers are puzzled by a blank spot in the universe they say is 600 million trillion miles of nothing.  ***MARLAR: They’ve decided to name it “Kansas.”

A nationwide driving test found that drivers in the Northeast know the least, with 20% not knowing pedestrians in a crosswalk have the right of way and 33% not stopping for them.  ***MARLAR: Whoa… that leaves 13% who know pedestrians have the right of way and don’t stop anyway!