Registered voters by an 8-point margin say they’d prefer to see the Republicans take control of Congress. A year and a half into Obama’s presidency, 51 percent in a new ABC News/Washington Post poll would rather have the Republicans run Congress “to act as a check on Obama’s policies,” vs. 43 percent who want the Democrats in charge to help support those policies. That’s accompanied by a 7-point, one-month drop in approval of Obama’s handling of the economy, to a career low.  ***MARLAR: Apparently the remaining 7% are just ticked off at everybody.

The days of tax-free Internet shopping will, if Rep. Bill Delahunt gets his way, soon be coming to an abrupt end.   Delahunt, introduced a bill that would rewrite the ground rules for Internet and mail order sales by eliminating the option for many Americans to shop over the Internet without paying state sales taxes.   At the moment, Americans who shop over the Internet from out-of-state vendors usually aren’t required to pay sales taxes. This is hardly a new debate: pro-tax officials and state governments have been pressing Congress to require taxes to be collected for a decade or so. They argue that reduced sales tax revenue threatens budgets for schools and police, and say that, as a matter of fairness, online retailers should be forced to collect the same taxes that brick-and-mortar retailers do.  The National Conference of State Legislatures applauded Delahunt’s legislation, saying he should be commended for allowing states to collect as much as $23 billion in new taxes. ***MARLAR: Once this legislation becomes law, he plans to target little kids’ lemonade stands.

A new Rasmussen Poll shows that 75 percent of Americans place responsibility for their state’s budget problems on politicians’ unwillingness to cut government spending.  ***MARLAR: Nice to see someone is playing the “blame game” correctly.

It sounds a little like Christmas in New York City this week.  Salvation Army bell ringers and collection kettles are out on a-half dozen Manhattan street corners.  The Christian charity’s week-long summer fund drive is raising money to meet increasing pleas for assistance during the economic downturn.    Salvation Army bell-ringer Lilybeth Ciriaco says she has been getting curious reactions on the street, but people are very giving.  The Salvation Army says donations have held steady this year, but the needs are greater.  ***MARLAR: And just in time, because the malls are already decorating for Christmas!

A Florida man faces charges after attempting to bribe a policeman with McDonald’s cheeseburgers!  Steven Denton was originally arrested following a fight at a local restaurant but tried to avoid being locked up by bribing a police officer.  Deputy Mark Eastly said: “Denton told me that if I would drive him to McDonald’s, he would buy me two cheeseburgers if I let him go and did not take him to jail.”  ***MARLAR: It was later discovered that this man could very well have been the notorious Hamburgler.

Privacy advocates plan to call on the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to suspend use of “whole-body imaging,” the airport security technology that critics say performs “a virtual strip search” and produces very revealing pictures of passengers. The national campaign, which will gather signatures from organizations and relevant professionals, is set to launch this week with the hope that it will go “viral,” said Lillie Coney, associate director of the Electronic Privacy Information Center, which plans to lead the charge.  ***MARLAR: With the swine flu epidemic, are we sure we want to use the terms “whole body” and “viral” in the same breath?

In an interview with Conservatism, the quarterly journal of the Conservative Christian Fellowship, Dr. David Hope, the Archbishop of York warns that the Internet has the potential to destroy society. “This technology is something that could ultimately devour us,” Hope claims. “The danger is in having all this wizardry in individual homes which people never leave and where there is, as a result, no social interaction…”  ***MARLAR: You know, kind of like when they invented the phone.

Doctors studying airline passengers say being crammed in a tight airplane seat for hours could result in something called “economy class syndrome,” which is a blood clot in the leg that can actually be fatal. ***MARLAR: Not to worry though – the airline food will kill you first.

Scarlett Johansson, who is the face of cosmetics giant L’Oreal, admits she isn’t afraid to use plastic surgery in the future to avoid growing old ungracefully. She says, “I will definitely have plastic surgery — I don’t want to become an old hag!”  ***MARLAR: But apparently she’s fine with being shallow.

Along the coast, droplets of oil are being found inside the shells of young crabs.  ***MARLAR: And you thought seafood had high cholesterol before BP!

Retail sales fell in June for the second straight month, more evidence that the recovery will slow in the second half of the year. Spending on retail goods dropped 0.5 percent in June, according to the Commerce Department.  ***MARLAR: To reverse the trend, Wal-Mart already has their Christmas isles up.

Kohl’s Department Stores is giving people a chance to decide which 20 schools across the nation will each receive grants worth half a million dollars. All public and private elementary, middle and high schools that meet contest criteria are eligible. The winners will be picked through a Facebook contest, in which people can nominate schools and cast votes.  ***MARLAR: Reinforcing the fact that school is one giant popularity contest.

Some meals aren’t car-friendly. Police in Needham, Massachusetts stopped a man for alleged erratic driving and found he’d been trying to eat a bowl of cereal and milk. Sounds like the man thought he had a good excuse. He told officers he was hungry.  ***MARLAR: I heard this story driving in this morning and was laughing so hard I dropped by electric shaver in my oatmeal.

Is that a banana under your shirt or do you just want to rob me? A 17-year-old tried to hold-up an Internet cafe in Winston-Salem, North Carolina with a banana. Actually, he had the banana inside his shirt hoping it looked like he had a gun. Cops say the guy walked into the cafe, demanded money and said he had a gun. The cafe’s owner and a customer brought him down. It’s not known if the guy ever tried to draw his banana.  ***MARLAR: And sadly, even with a banana, the kid still couldn’t give cops the slip.

An Ohio man who argued with his grown son over a messy bedroom says he overreacted when he called 911.  Andrew Mizsak called authorities after his 28-year-old son – who’s a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford – threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when told to clean his room.  The son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents’ basement.  The father declined to press charges and told police he doesn’t want to ruin his son’s political career.  The son, who also works as a political consultant, says he’s lucky to be living in the house rent free. He also promises to keep his room clean.  ***MARLAR: He doesn’t want to ruin his son’s political career – but he’s totally fine with reporting to the world that his son is a loser, lives in his parent’s basement, and has a messy bedroom?

Revenue and jobs at the U.S. gambling halls fell last year as Americans became less willing to risk their money. The study by the American Gaming Association found revenue nationwide was down 4.7 percent to $32.5 billion. The year before, revenue had increased by 5.3 percent. The nation has more than 1,600 casinos, slot parlors and other gambling halls. The number of casino jobs fell 1 percent to more than 357,000.  ***MARLAR: Gee, maybe we should give them a bailout.

In the 1960s Gatorade was supposed to be the magic sports elixir. In the 70s many athletes consumed bee pollen to energize themselves to the max. A few years ago a Chinese coach who trained record-breaking long-distance runners claimed that they ran faster when they snacked on worms. ***MARLAR: That’s AFTER spending twenty minutes heaving in the men’s room once you’ve eaten them.

In Chicago, a woman is suing her dance partner, claiming “negligent dancing” when he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air at an office party.  ***MARLAR: If someone can sue for “negligent dancing” I’m in biiiiig trouble.

A $20-million German lottery winner says he plans to build the world’s largest pigeon coop. The unidentified man lives in a modest apartment with his family so he said the first thing he will do is buy a house in the country far enough from neighbors so he can build his giant pigeon hotel without disturbing anyone.  ***MARLAR: I might also suggest he purchase a giant shovel.

A French surgeon said Thursday he has conducted a full-face transplant including eyelids and tear ducts, in a rare operation on a man.  Rivals called the French operation, similar to one carried out in Barcelona in April, a new achievement that further advances efforts to provide faces – and new lives.  ***MARLAR: Nicolas Cage says he is happy with John Travolta’s face.

Donations to a special fund that Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer established to help pay for the state’s legal defense of its immigration enforcement law now total roughly $500,000.  ***MARLAR: It’s assumed 100% of those dollars came from somewhere other than California.

Could this impact future air travel?- An experimental solar-powered plane landed safely Thursday after completing its first 24-hour test flight, proving that the aircraft can collect enough energy from the sun during the day to stay aloft all night.   The record feat completes seven years of planning and brings the Swiss-led project one step closer to its goal of circling the globe using only energy from the sun.  ***MARLAR: In other news, the government is looking into the possibility of a “sun tax”.

Ken Andexler is a sculptor with a mission. All the chunks of pipe, sheet metal and plastic in his creations are junk he’s picked up from the side of the road. The southwest Florida artist says his one-man clean-up campaign is his contribution to society. He’s picked up everything from saws to cell phones to incorporate in his artwork. Andexler notes road debris is not only ugly, it’s dangerous, too. He adds something spiritual has been happening to him, since he started picking up trash for art.  ***MARLAR: This doesn’t take a lot of imagination; most modern art is garbage anyway.

Getting a nip and a tuck could cost some extra bucks in Minnesota. State lawmakers are considering a proposal to tax tummy tucks and facelifts. The measure would extend Minnesota’s six-point-five percent sales tax to cosmetic surgery and other appearance-enhancing procedures. State Representative Phyllis Kahn is pushing the idea. She says anyone who can afford plastic surgery can afford to pay the tax. Now, New Jersey is the only state that taxes cosmetic surgery.  ***MARLAR: That would require stretching your skin AND your wallet.  I don’t think I’m that limber.

According to a new report by the U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, Americans will spend one out of every five dollars of their income on heath care by 2015.  ***MARLAR: Probably because Americans will spend the other four out of every five dollars on beer, cigarettes and junk food.

Japanese police report they’ve busted a cat burglar with the nose of a bloodhound. According to a police spokesman, the man (Seiichi Shirota) told them he picked his victims by sniffing for expensive perfume. The accused thief figured a single woman who bought high-priced fragrances would also own designer handbags, watches and expensive jewelry. And how would the crook know whether his mark was single? Police say the man told them he would check clotheslines on apartment balconies for men’s underwear. The suspect is charged with about 200 break-ins, netting more than a half (m) million dollars worth of loot.   ***MARLAR: We’re talking about a man who has the ability to distinguish designer perfumes from the knockoffs… can he not find something better to do with his life than rob single women?  With a talent like that, shouldn’t he be working for the Scratch & Sniff people?

Fresh blooms brighten more than a room; they also lift your mood, a study from Harvard Medical School in Boston reports.  ***MARLAR: For those with allergies, they suggest watching a movie starring Orlando Bloom.

Laughter really is contagious. Merely hearing someone else laugh activates the region in your brain involved in vocalizing, promoting actual chuckles, researchers at the University College London say.  ***MARLAR: Maybe I should start doing this show with a laugh track.

A study says more time in day care causes more behavior problems in kids. ***MARLAR: You know you’ve chosen the wrong day care when their idea of a large play area is a big screen TV.

Airline pilot Raymond Snouffer Junior has all the luck. He won 25-grand in the Minnesota Lottery two days in a row. One day he matched the winning numbers in the Northstar Cash drawing. The next day, he did it again. Figuring the odds of being a double winner would give a mathematician a migraine. Minnesota Lottery officials say the odds of winning a single drawing are about 170-thousand-to-one. As for winning twice in a row, lottery officials say the probability is virtually incalculable.  ***MARLAR: Also incalculable, the number of friends and relatives this guy will suddenly find out he has that he never knew about.

Talk about undying love! Scott Amsler and Miranda Patterson intend to get hitched in a cemetery. Come September, the couple plans to tie the knot in the city cemetery in the St. Louis suburb of Pacific. But Pacific Alderman Bill Hohman is against any more graveyard weddings. He says he’ll push for an ordinance to block cemetery weddings. Groom-to-be Amsler insists he’s no devil worshiper or cultist. But the computer guy for a financial company restores old hearses for fun. Of course, the couple will be riding in a hearse on their wedding day. ***MARLAR: If you’re going to vow “Till death do us part” anyway…

Georgianna Page is suing New York City for violating her civil rights by arresting her during a Republican gathering, when she was protesting the war by wearing a huge, cardboard Hummer costume. She was arrested for blocking traffic, but Page claims she never left the sidewalk.  ***MARLAR: But she WAS charged with double-parking.

Archeologists digging at the site of the Wright brothers’ home in Dayton, Ohio, have uncovered a button, two nails and some broken china that may have belonged to them. ***MARLAR: Which finally answers the question as to where their luggage ended up.

New rules at the Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. They now require teens younger than 18 without adult supervision to leave the mall by 2 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays.  ***MARLAR: Apparently though, nobody is questioning why a teen might be at the mall BEFORE 2pm on a school day.

A 40-year-old British man entered the record books by becoming the first person ever to run around the world. It took him 5 years and 8 months to do it.  ***MARLAR: It would’ve been just three years, but he kept refusing to ask for directions.

NASA is researching the use of a protein found in human ear hair as a way of powering space suits.  ***MARLAR: The older you get, the more NASA will want you!

The UFO and Paranormal College has opened in Russia in response to a rash of unexplained crop circles in the region.  The faculty says they are qualified to teach the course, because they have video footage featuring the type of UFOs called Belgian triangles, which they say are frequent visitors to their city.  ***MARLAR: That’s like saying I’m qualified to teach a course on time-travel, because I own all of the Back to the Future DVDs.

A man with a mysterious bulge under his T-shirt was stopped, searched and detained at Mexico City’s international airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in a girdle he was wearing.  ***MARLAR: Brad Pitt told him it would’ve worked fine if he’d only used twelve monkeys.

The Gulf of Mexico oil spill shows that the United States should follow the example of South American socialists in nationalizing its energy industry, filmmaker Oliver Stone said Tuesday.  ***MARLAR: Because when it comes to energy legislation, you can’t do better than getting advice from a guy who’s job in life is to take controversial subjects and stick them on the big screen in such a way that you are entertained.

Millions of people stuck on the jobless rolls would receive an extension of unemployment benefits averaging $309 a week under a Senate bill that appears set to break free of a Republican filibuster.  ***MARLAR: So we have more people unemployed wanting benefits, and fewer people still employed being expected to pay those benefits.  Oh yeah, that’ll work well.

U.S. Forest Service officials in northern Idaho say the rubber-soled decorations that made the “shoe tree” a beloved Priest River landmark also helped fuel its demise.  Tourists and locals since the 1940s have dressed the tree with hundreds of pairs of shoes, nailing sneakers to its trunk and hanging work boots from its branches.  Firefighters found the tree engulfed in flames late Thursday, and the blaze was difficult to extinguish because the sizable cedar was covered in melted shoe rubber. Officials have long discouraged people from adding shoes to the tree, which has become an eccentric roadside attraction featured on various travel websites.  ***MARLAR: Sadly, a local ant also died who had high hopes of moving the rubber tree plant out of harm’s way.

Teen retailer American Eagle Outfitters Inc., looking to jump-start back-to-school denim sales, is offering anyone who tries on a pair of jeans starting later this month a free smart phone.  The offer comes with a catch: the new phones, such as the Droid Eris by HTC, the BlackBerry Curve and the LG Ally, are only available with new two-year service plans. The deal runs from July 21 to Aug. 3.  ***MARLAR: Don’t most carriers give you “free phones” with a two year service plan anyway – without trying on ugly jeans?

President Barack Obama is trying to bring home some of the much-lauded strategies his predecessor used to fight AIDS around the world.  The national strategy for combating HIV and AIDS the Obama administration released Tuesday credits the Bush-era international campaign against AIDS for setting clear targets and ensuring a variety of agencies and groups worked together smoothly to achieve them.  ***MARLAR: Whoa – wait a minute.  Do you mean to say that Obama is admitting Bush did something RIGHT?!

A Chicago police dog named Bear who is apparently a scaredy-cat when it comes to thunder is back home after going AWOL during a storm.  Authorities say Bear, who went missing several days ago, was found safe, but dirty, Sunday morning by a man walking to a hardware store.  The man says he saw the dog at a cemetery and flagged down Officer Ann Jaros, who says Bear recognized her squad car and “jumped right in.”  A microchip in the dog’s neck confirmed it was Bear.  The black and tan German shepherd scaled a wooden fence and disappeared Wednesday night after roaring thunder apparently frightened him.  He was in the yard of Officer Rick King’s home at the time. King says he’s slept little since Bear’s disappearance, hoping the dog was OK.  King has said Bear’s always been afraid of thunder.  ***MARLAR: What kind of a lame police officer is scared of thunder?  “To protect and to serve… unless there’s a big bad noise?”

David and Carol Gulyas are serious about saving energy. They’re putting the finishing touches on a new $350,000 home in southern Indiana. They say their home is so super-efficient, their energy bills should run just 650 bucks. And that’s for the entire year. One of their secrets is foam insulation on the walls that is more than 10 inches thick. The sun provides much of the heating and lighting. If the sun’s not shinning, the couple says they can heat their home with the equivalent of a hair dryer.  ***MARLAR: They’ve also found it helpful to plug in and drain power for the neighbors.

A woman in Manchester, England, dumped her fiancé six weeks before the wedding, then found another man to marry on the Internet so she wouldn’t lose her $14,000 wedding deposit.  ***MARLAR: Let’s recap… husbands are returnable; wedding deposits aren’t.

Mothers who smoke while pregnant increase the risk that their child will develop psychological problems, a new study finds. And a related study found that babies exposed to secondhand smoke from fathers or other people may be at increased risk of developing weight problems, even if mothers are nonsmokers.  Both studies appear online in advance of publication in the July issue of the journal Pediatrics.  ***MARLAR: Mothers and fathers smoking around babies… sounds like the babies are suffering from secondhand stupidity.

Rep. Dennis J. Kucinich (D-OH) said he will introduce a bill for a federal research program on the affects of cell phone radiation on users. The bill will also call for a warning label for mobile phones, as a growing body of research around the world indicate potential links between long-term use and cancer.  ***MARLAR: Of course, we’re also told that eating red meat will cause cancer but we’ve not stopped doing that.  Come to think of it, I don’t recall ever seeing a warning label on my spare ribs.

The Liberty Counsel has filed a lawsuit to overturn a ban on Bible distribution on public school campuses in Florida’s Collier County. According to the Liberty Counsel, the School Board allowed World Changers to distribute free Bibles to students during off-school hours on Religious Freedom Day, but now the school officials claim that Bibles do not provide any educational benefit to the students and the distribution should stop.  ***MARLAR: No educational benefit?  Have these people never read the book of Proverbs?

In Holland, Michigan, Scott Rodgers was fined $600, given probation and three days in a work program and banned from McDonald’s for misdemeanor assault and battery after he threw an Egg McMuffin at a McDonald’s manager. He had ordered four of them with ham, but one had sausage. His attorney claimed he didn’t throw it but rather returned it quickly. But the prosecutor said, “The manager was picking egg out of her hair.”  ***MARLAR: Hey, look – an Egg McMullet!

In Parker City, Indiana, Jerry Morgan was shocked to see that the front windows of his neighbor’s house were shattered and there was blood all over the walls. Fearing the absolute worst he dialed 911. Police arrived only to find that no murders had occurred but that the culprit was a scared female deer, still stuck in the house. Police were able to get the deer out, but not before it destroyed ever single room.  Homeowner Monte Jeffery said his insurance company told him they don’t cover deer damage.  ***MARLAR: They might want to remember that when they send their next letter to Santa.  DON’T LAND ON THE HOUSE – IT’S NOT INSURED AGAINST REINDEER!

Two Macedonian men are accused of stealing two 30-foot bridges to sell for scrap metal.  ***MARLAR: They will be taken to jail, as soon as police figure out how to get them there.

A Philadelphia street crew ran into a problem while out fixing potholes.  Their truck was swallowed up by a large pothole that opened up while they were patching a smaller pothole.  As they were moving their truck after fixing a hole on Vassar Street, a larger hole opened up, swallowing the truck.  ***MARLAR: On the plus side, the pothole no longer needs to be filled now.

If you spend a lot of time listening to your iPod or similar device, you’d better turn the volume down. There’s growing evidence that the devices can cause hearing loss for those who like to crank it up.  ***MARLAR: Loud music can cause hearing damage?  Gee… who knew?

A new study shows that 5 million American children have some degree of hearing loss induced by exposure to noise. ***MARLAR: When informed of this statistic, the kids said, “WHAT?”

By Ed Smith’s math, the CEO of Walmart earns more in an hour than his employees will earn in a year. Smith, an alderman in Chicago, presented posters at a city council meeting showing that Walmart CEO Michael Duke’s $35 million salary, when converted to an hourly wage, worked out to $16,826.92. By comparison, at a Walmart store planned for the Windy City’s Pullman neighborhood, new employees to be paid $8.75 an hour would gross only about $13,650 a year.  ***MARLAR: Forcing them to shop at the only place they can afford… Walmart.

Money makes the world go round – or in this case brings an Italian highway to a halt.  A truck carrying some euro2 million ($2.5 million) in coins overturned in southern Italy, unloading its contents onto the highway and leading motorists to hit the brakes and dig in.  Police in Foggia, where the accident occurred Monday, said Tuesday it was impossible to establish how much money had been stolen, as many of the euro1 and euro2 coins remained in piles on the highway. But motorists acting quickly before police arrived made off with at least euro10,000 ($12,500).  Police said the truck’s driver and one passenger had suffered minor injuries. The truck was carrying the money from the Italian mint to local banks.  ***MARLAR: Even better news for the passing drivers who took the coins… this all took place on a toll road.

Police responding to a report of a driver brandishing a gun in southeastern Minnesota found themselves in extreme danger – of getting wet.  When police pulled over and searched the vehicle in the port city of Duluth on Monday, they found only several “Super Soaker” squirt guns on the back seat.  ***MARLAR: They were still considered deadly weapons though, because the water was retrieved from the Gulf oil spill.

An international research team says it has uncovered hammers possibly used by chimpanzees that go back as far as 43-hundred years in the West African country Ivory Coast. It would be the earliest known use of tools by chimps. The hammers are thought to have been used to crack nuts. The researchers say the stones were about the size of cantaloupes, which would have been too large for human hands. But that would be about right for the larger, stronger hands of chimpanzees. ***MARLAR: Scientists are still trying to explain their other finding of a black monolith.

Thirst can masquerade as hunger, which is one reason dieters should stay hydrated. Now German researchers have found another reason: Water fuels your body’s fat burners. For 90 minutes after drinking 16 ounces of chilled water, adults saw their metabolism rise by 24 percent over their average rates. According to the study author, Jens Jordan, M.D., the mechanism is partly due to the energy your body generates to warm the water during digestion.  ***MARLAR: Sure, but who’s going to choose drinking water over microwaving a pizza?

The London Sun reports that scientists at the University of California are studying a woman identified as “A.J.” who can remember nearly every detail of her life since 1976. The 42-year-old California woman, whom they nicknamed “Total Recall,” says her life is like a continuous movie and she can picture any scene in detail in her mind. When given any date, she recalled where she was, what she did and what made headlines on that date, even dull news like a local tax passing in 1978. But her memory is selective: when asked to close her eyes and describe the clothes the scientists were wearing at that moment, she couldn’t. ***MARLAR: Their clothes are too dull even for her to remember.

Justin Brady will now be known as Ynot (why-not) Bubba after a New Mexico judge approved the name change. The 43-year-old trucker asked to change his name because he no longer has a relationship with his adoptive parents, the Bradys. His last name is courtesy of the people he now considers family, who nicknamed him Bubba for no particular reason. He had considered the name, Lacon Marlboro after his preferred choice of cigarette. Also on the short list was More Chek, from his desire for more money.  ***MARLAR: Maybe he should’ve considered the name, “Ima Doofus.”

The first-ever “China Idol” will air on Chinese television next month, under careful scrutiny from the government: “No weirdness, no vulgarity, no low taste.”  ***MARLAR: Oh, so it’s nothing like “American Idol?”

It sounds like something out of a science fiction movie: A tiny purple microbe that had been dormant for 120,000 years deep beneath glacial ice is brought back to life in a science lab. No, this one doesn’t take over the world or cause a pandemic. It’s actually harmless to humans.  ***MARLAR: Well, until it grows up to have one eye, one horn, and starts eating people.

Buy those Forever stamps now. The cost of mailing a letter is going up again.  Fighting to survive a deepening financial crisis, the Postal Service said Tuesday it wants to increase the price of first-class stamps by 2 cents – to 46 cents – starting in January. Other postage costs would rise as well.  The agency’s persisting problem: ever-declining mail volume as people and businesses shift to the Internet and the declining economy reduces advertising mail.  “The Postal Service faces a serious risk of financial insolvency,” postal vice president Stephen M. Kearney said, an indication that without significant changes a time could come when the agency would be unable to pay its bills.  The post office lost $3.8 billion last year, despite cutting 40,000 full-time positions and making other reductions, and Kearney said it is facing a $7 billion loss for this year and the same for fiscal 2011, which begins in October. The rate increase would bring in $2.5 billion, meaning there still would be a large loss for next year.  ***MARLAR: Not to worry though, management of the U.S. Postal Service will still be able to get yearly bonuses in the millions-of-dollars.  (How about we knock mail delivery down to just Mondays?)

The washing machine cycle takes about 45 minutes – and George Washington comes out much cleaner in the Zimbabwe-style laundering of dirty money.  Low-denomination U.S bank notes change hands until they fall apart here in Africa, and the bills are routinely carried in underwear and shoes through crime-ridden slums.  Some have become almost too smelly to handle, so Zimbabweans have taken to putting their $1 bills through the spin cycle and hanging them up to dry with clothes pins alongside sheets and items of clothing.  ***MARLAR: If you’re looking for the perfect gift for a Zimbabwean, try a wallet.  Or maybe Snuggle fabric softener.

State prison officials are investigating reports that a fundraiser at the Nevada State Prison featured scantily clad female band members and a motorcycle that was brought into the yard for inmate pictures.  Nevada Department of Corrections spokeswoman Suzanne Pardee says the agency’s inspector general’s office is interviewing staff to find out what happened during the June 26 barbecue and fundraiser hosted by the Vietnam Veterans of America. It was unclear what the event was raising money for, and a message left Sunday at the Vietnam Veterans of America state headquarters wasn’t immediately returned.  A copy of the minutes from a Tuesday prison staff meeting referred to the barbecue as a “fiasco.” The minutes say the band members wore appropriate attire to enter the prison but later changed.  ***MARLAR: Admission to the prison fundraiser was only ten cigarettes apiece.

Unfortunately, bullet wounds are not that uncommon to doctors. However, in Barbastro, Spain, 88-year-old Faustino Olivera was treated for a bullet wound you definitely don’t see every day. He had a bullet removed from his shoulder — a bullet he got during the Spanish Civil War!! It had been there almost seven decades and was only discovered after he recently started complaining of a painful lump in his left shoulder. Mr. Olivera remembers the moment he was shot during the Battle of the Ebro on Nov 11, 1938. He said, “I took a shot but always thought the bullet had come out the other side.”  ***MARLAR: You’d think the lack of an exit hole would’ve clued him in.

A study by the journal Science found that if you want a large family, marry a distant relative. Icelandic researchers examined the nation’s genetic records going back over 200 years and found that people who married their third and fourth cousins had more children than couples who were more distantly related. They think it might be that distant cousins are more biologically compatible. But they found no advantages in marrying your first cousin.  ***MARLAR: When cousins marry, they have more in common, like the same traditions, the same tastes, the same grandparents. . .

A cosmetics line called “Looking Good For Jesus” has been pulled from department store shelves in Singapore after local Christians protested the marketing gimmick as blasphemous. The makeup line included items like “Virtuous vanilla” lip balm and a “Get Tight with Christ” hand and body cream. Resident Grace Ong said, “Why would anyone use religious figures to promote vanity products? It’s very disrespectful and distasteful.”  ***MARLAR: He said as he walked away wearing his Christian t-shirt, three-nails necklace, and WWJD bracelet.

A local zoning dispute in Naugatuck (NAW’-gah-tuck), Connecticut, has become, for some, a battle of good versus evil. The owner of a photo store put signs outside her store urging passing motorists to “Beep for Christ.” But then the owner of a neighboring tattoo store put out a sign urging motorists to honk twice for Satan.  Town officials responded by ordering the signs removed.  ***MARLAR: And put up their own signs saying, “Honk if you hate being told to honk.”

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats.  ***MARLAR: I should be dead by now.

A new prototype dress is designed to light up when the wearer’s mobile telephone rings. British fashion student Georgie Davis dreamed up the knee-length sleeveless white dress as part of a school project with mobile phone-maker Sony Ericsson to figure out ways of incorporating new technology into fashion. ***MARLAR: As if we’re looking for a new way to make cell phones more irritating.

Could a blind person drive a car? Researchers are trying to make that far-fetched notion a reality.  The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech plan to demonstrate a prototype vehicle next year equipped with technology that helps a blind person drive a car independently.  ***MARLAR: In the meantime, the only driving allowed by the blind is in Chicago as cab drivers.

A public golf course in North Dakota has taken a new approach to dealing with pesky weeds: goats.  Eric Stromstad, superintendent at Hawktree golf course north of Bismarck, says two goats were brought in at the start of the season to rid the 16th hole of leafy spurge and clover. It’s worked out so well that three more goats were added.  Stromstad says the golfers have taken to the goats and feed and pet them.  Hawktree isn’t the first course to employ goats. Stromstad says courses in Ireland, Ohio and Florida have been using them.  ***MARLAR: And if a goat eats your ball it’s a penalty stroke.

Any dachshund owner knows the feisty breed rarely backs off from a challenge, but one in Russia is taking that reputation to new heights – or depths.  The dog named Boniface is learning how to scuba dive.  ***MARLAR: He immediately became a better super hero than Aquaman.

A Japanese court has ordered a McDonald’s to pay more than $70,300 to an overworked store manager for years of unpaid overtime. 46-year-old Hiroshi Takano claimed that he had worked more than 100 hours of overtime each month, without taking a day off. He’d come to work at 6:00 a.m. and the increasing number of responsibilities would usually find him heading for home about midnight. ***MARLAR: A company lawyer says they are planning a McAppeal.

Convicted bank robber Mark Merrill has a unique excuse for why he robbed two banks in Illinois. Mark says Donald Trump made him do it and is now suing the multimillionaire. Merrill’s 2.1 million-dollar lawsuit claims he robbed two Illinois banks to feed his gambling addiction. Court papers allege that Trump’s casino encouraged Merrill to gamble by offering perks like a free hotel suite. ***MARLAR: Gee, what do you think the chances are of a court awarding a confessed gambling addict (and bank robber) 2.1 million dollars? Ten to one?

In Sao Paulo, Brazil, actor Michael Melamed is performing a one-man show in which he wears a specially-wired suit, and any noise in the audience – laughter, boos, even coughing – give him an electric shock. The louder the noise, the bigger the shock, up to 90 volts. Melamed said, “All theatre is an experiment. The true theatre has to be innovative and has to raise questions.”  ***MARLAR: How do we get Adam Sandler to star in this show?

You’ve heard of hair extensions, now eyelash extensions are heading to a salon near you.  They’re semi-permanent, synthetic extensions that are glued on one by one by a technician using tweezers and adhesive. It takes about 90 minutes and costs between $250 and $500.  The extensions last for about five weeks.  They say it will make your lashes look like you’re always wearing mascara and you can roll out of bed in the morning with your eyes looking their best.  ***MARLAR: Assuming you don’t roll over your long lashes and rip your eyelids off.

The Dutch airline KLM was fined $14,340 for an incident in 1999 where 440 Chinese ground squirrels heading to Greece were shredded because they didn’t have the proper European health papers. ***MARLAR: KLM defended its actions, saying the only other option would’ve been to put them in the middle seat in coach between two traveling salesmen and bore them to death.

British politicians are being urged to eat gray squirrels as part of a radical plan to prevent the native red squirrels from being eliminated by the gray imports from North America.  ***MARLAR: As if English food isn’t bad enough – now they want you to sit down and eat a big steaming bowl of fish-and-chipmunks.

Scientists are warning that the radiation emitted from full-body airport scanners has been seriously underestimated and could lead to an increase in skin cancer. According to Dr. David Brenner, head of Columbia University’s center for radiological research, the dose absorbed by the skin may be up to 20 times higher than previously thought.  ***MARLAR: Not to worry though, if you do get cancer you’ll have free ObamaCare now to save you.

It wasn’t snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night that stopped Chester Arthur Reed from his appointed rounds. The mail handler just felt it was time to call it quits at age 95.  The fork lift operator retired as the nation’s oldest postal worker, ending a career without taking a single sick day. It’s a feat he attributes to a healthy diet of watermelon, alkaline water and an onion sandwich with mayo every day.  ***MARLAR: The onion sandwich is probably the answer – nobody would get close enough to him to spread their germs.

Move over, greeting cards with sounds or smells. A new entry from an Ohio company plays to the sense of taste.  American Greetings Corp. announced the launch of Tasties, a line of cards that come with dissolvable flavor strips meant to be eaten by the recipients.  ***MARLAR: For example, Christmas cards would taste of peppermint, Valentine’s cards would taste of chocolate, and 40th Birthday cards would taste of bile.

Remember as a kid you’d say that you loved something and then one of your friends would say, “Oh yeah, well if you love it so much why don’t you marry it?!?” Well… that’s exactly what Mitch Hallen has done. He loves his television so much that he married it! Mitch, 42, wed his Sony Widescreen in a ceremony presided over by a priest – and a dozen of his pals looked on as he took his vows of high fidelity in his living room. He then placed a gold ring on top of the TV set and wore a matching band. Mitch said, “My TV gives me countless hours of pleasure without fussing, fighting or backchat.” ***MARLAR: As stupid as this sounds, how many of us wouldn’t love to have a volume control for our spouse?

A piece of artwork that was gaining rave reviews at the Museum of European Art in Paris has now become a source of embarrassment for the museum. The funny thing is, this piece of art was done by plumber Alphonse Gradant and it really isn’t “art” at all. It’s actually the layout drawing of the men’s toilet at the museum. Gradant said that to make the pipes and returns more visible and easier to see at a glance, he filled them in using colored pens and red and black ink. Some joker took it, framed it, and stuck it up on the wall. The two-foot by three-foot picture consisting of a squiggle of lines clearly shows three urinals and a half-dozen stalls. But the folks at the museum thought it was legit and art critics loved it. They stuck a $45,000 price tag on the piece and someone actually bought it. The embarrassed museum doesn’t think it’s so funny. Gradant said, “All I was trying to do was keep the men’s toilets flushing.” ***MARLAR: But if you’re interested, he is selling the blueprints to his kitchen.

Stealing a “prisoner” T-shirt might not be the best move for a newly released inmate. Authorities in Fresno, Calif., say Israel Ramirez nearly caused a collision while riding his bike. The incident occurred shortly after Ramirez was released from the county jail. Deputies report they noticed Ramirez was wearing a jail T-shirt, with the word “prisoner” printed on the back. They charge he snuck it out of the lock-up under his clothes. He was busted again, this time on felony charges of receiving stolen property.  ***MARLAR: Well, they do say that the “clothes make the man.”

There’s a radio station in Gifu, Japan that broadcasts nothing but a human heartbeat 24 hours a day. Listeners say that hearing it helps them relax.  ***MARLAR: The format is called Arrhythmia and Blues.

Residents of the small Mexican town of Canalumtic have thrown a bull in jail! No kidding. They say the bull devoured their corn crops and destroyed two wooden buildings. Police commander Felipe Gomez said the bull would not be released until the owner pays damages, to be determined by a local judge. The owner, Moises Santiz, says he won’t pay more than $400 — the price he paid for the bull four months ago. It’s not the first time an animal has been jailed in Canalumtic. Last year a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were ordered to pay an $18 fine.  ***MARLAR: That may not sound all that serious, but that’s 84 days and $126 in dog numbers.

Two Australian scientists claim they have invented a real thinking cap that can actually improve the thinking skills and IQ of people who wear it. ***MARLAR: If you think you look stupid while wearing the thinking cap, that’s just evidence that it’s working.